i think i'm done...

... with turkey countdown. it's a funny thing to think about but i just hate it. it's not fun.
if i get one vote to continue, i will.
Voting is now open.

turkey countdown

so bored of this

A lesson from my father

"Never trust a guy with a side part"

ok, this one i'm not so sure i understand. So let's just take the facts. I'm going to find some dudes with side parts and tell you if i trust them or not:


Distrust


Trust


Trust, duh.


Distrust


Trust


Distrust

ok, it seems the results are inconclusive.

Another everyday object that makes me uncomfortable

I like a good home science experiment as much as the next guy, actually probably more than the next guy, but you know when people scrunch down the paper straw wrapper, place it on the table, and then slowly add water (or soda) drops to it so it unravels like a worm or snake... ugh, i'm getting squeamish just writing about it. I actually have really mixed feelings about this whole thing that i will explore in detail here. Ok, it's actually really cool and makes me feel nostalgic for the nathans that used to be across from waldbaum's on 116th street, which is the site of my first experience with straw wrapper worms. but really, wet paper in general makes me very itchy and uncomfortable and this business with the straw wrappers ends up a soggy mess and just makes me feel so weird inside. writing this, i just said 'uh' out loud. that's how i feel about it. i get the same feeling in my stomach when something spills and people put a bunch of napkins on it and those first few napkins are REALLY saturated. just not even recognizable as napkins anymore. makes me feel so gross inside. yuck. and probably the most surprising part of all is that i don't mind sponges in the least. because they were made to get saturated and full, but paper products end up just kind of soggy and like drippy and it's all just too much for me.

turkey countdown

i like when the stuffing (noun) is actually stuffing (progressive verb)

dear pat,

remember when the mattress doctor stole my books?
love, mara

Turkey Countdown

Mmmm, dark meat.

Things I would Never Say in Real Life but will Write in an EMail

"Chugging along here!"

Lies I told recently

1- "I can't tonight, I have a date." with myself and fucking Naomi and Ethan from 90210 and baked lays.

2- "sorry i didn't pick up; I was sleeping." i definitely was not sleeping but sometimes when you call I get overwhelmed and just don't pick up. (don't worry this is not you)

3- "Yeah we can probably give you a ride to Philly." No we can't because we want to talk about boys in the car. Namely you.

4-"We've all got a department meeting in 1/2 hour." Just a big fat lie. There's no meeting. I just want this meeting to only last 1/2 hour.

5- "Nope, there are no more chewy gobstoppers." There are actually probably like 8 left but they're mine. fuck you.

turkey countdown

Lessons my father taught me

He was a very wise man and also a very funny one. There wasn't much "come here and sit on my knee so I can bestow upon you the lessons of life." But he dropped some knowledge in his own way.

Lesson #1: "If a white man can dance he's gay."

I think my dad was really worried I was going to somehow end up dating a gay guy and then be heartbroken when i found out. I mean, how ridiculous. That would never happen. Not to me! tee hee.

Turkey countdown

Am I really going to do a turkey countdown? Yeah, I guess I am. I briefly considered being clever and putting a map of Turkey (yuk, yuk) one day and maybe a hand turkey the next, and then a turkey sandwich. How clever! Instead, I'm going to just put a beautiful, scrumptious-looking holiday bird each and every day. Just good old fashioned home cookin'. So get ready.

I'm good at some things

Probably my number one best quality is my ability to accurately guess how long things will take. Seriously, I'm scarily good at it. People that know this about me sometimes ask me to help them figure out when to leave their apartment in order to do x, y, and z and get to a certain place at a certain time.
Anyway, this morning I voted. After careful consideration I decided I would wake up at 7 to be at my polling location by 7:30 and on the train by 8:35 putting my at my desk at exactly 9am.
I got to work at 7:50.
Probably my second best quality is my ability to sleep at my desk and still look like I'm awake and working.

ew

i called you guys "folks" twice in the last three emails.
gross

I'm not a chicken; you're a turkey!

Welcome to november folks. I promised a turkey countdown and you're getting one. Let's begin with a simple holiday bird. If this doesn't get your proverbial mouth proverbially watering i don't know what will.