Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Lists I've been working on

So I've been working on two lists. One is a lists of slogans for things that don't need slogans. The other is a list of celebrities that i think probably get a lot of Diarrhea.

Here's the slogans:
Soap: would you lather be dirty?
Fax machines: It’s 2009, I think we can stop, right?
Belts: pants falling down? Tie one round!
Sneezing: 1/8 of an orgasm and 1/8 as messy.
Ear canal: no, not panama canal, I said ear canal, you should clean yours out!
Driving: because sometimes it’s too far to walk, and public transportation is proving inconvenient, and you don’t have a beach cruiser yet.
Sex: just do it. Well, don’t just do it. I mean, you should have some feelings involved.
Breathing: don’t forget.
Chew: or else you’ll fucking choke.
Hair: as long as it’s in the right places, a really great thing.
Skin: totally normal on your body, totally gross as flakes falling off your body.
Water: You need it. Really. You do. Or you’ll die.
Blood: It Runs Right Through You. but not the bad way like when something gives you diarrhea
Parsley: we don’t dip it in the ‘tears of our ancestors’ for nothing
Science: even science can’t explain it.
Vegetables: still fighting the association with brain-dead people
Brains: we’re in charge!
Movement: it’s a movement!
Legumes: Not that easy to say or spell, but great for eating.
The common cold: pass it on

Thursday, July 16, 2009


My boss just called a purse a "pocketbook" and it sort of melted the cold, cold heart I have for him and made me hate him a little less. Because, it's 2009, who says "pocketbook?"

Friday, July 10, 2009

An Open Letter

Dear Straight Edge NYC Meet-Up Group-
I think it would be ok to plan something that does not involve a punk show.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

i decided i should eff Langhorne Slim

I like his tunes and I like his face.