Lists I've been working on

So I've been working on two lists. One is a lists of slogans for things that don't need slogans. The other is a list of celebrities that i think probably get a lot of Diarrhea.

Here's the slogans:
Soap: would you lather be dirty?
Fax machines: It’s 2009, I think we can stop, right?
Belts: pants falling down? Tie one round!
Sneezing: 1/8 of an orgasm and 1/8 as messy.
Ear canal: no, not panama canal, I said ear canal, you should clean yours out!
Driving: because sometimes it’s too far to walk, and public transportation is proving inconvenient, and you don’t have a beach cruiser yet.
Sex: just do it. Well, don’t just do it. I mean, you should have some feelings involved.
Breathing: don’t forget.
Chew: or else you’ll fucking choke.
Hair: as long as it’s in the right places, a really great thing.
Skin: totally normal on your body, totally gross as flakes falling off your body.
Water: You need it. Really. You do. Or you’ll die.
Blood: It Runs Right Through You. but not the bad way like when something gives you diarrhea
Parsley: we don’t dip it in the ‘tears of our ancestors’ for nothing
Science: even science can’t explain it.
Vegetables: still fighting the association with brain-dead people
Brains: we’re in charge!
Movement: it’s a movement!
Legumes: Not that easy to say or spell, but great for eating.
The common cold: pass it on

thawing

My boss just called a purse a "pocketbook" and it sort of melted the cold, cold heart I have for him and made me hate him a little less. Because, it's 2009, who says "pocketbook?"

things that people are always saying are delicious but don't really taste like anything

Beets
Muenster Cheese

An Open Letter

Dear Straight Edge NYC Meet-Up Group-
I think it would be ok to plan something that does not involve a punk show.
Thanks
Mara

i decided i should eff Langhorne Slim

I like his tunes and I like his face.