New column

I'm introducing a new "column" today to my blog. It's going to be called: "things i lied about today." Because as it turns out, i tell a couple fibs each day and they're usually funny. Also, i'm not going to tell you the context so that'll add a nice twist to it, don't you think?
Ok, and now for the inaugural edition of "Lies I told today" (I realize that a couple sentences ago i referred to it as "things i lied about today." I'm a girl; we're fickle as fuck.

1 - "Yeah, I think my brother is friends with him." No i don't.

2- "I'm right on top of that rose." No I'm not, and your name isn't even rose.

3- "I think we're safe. It's been 5 days." We're fucked.

That's it for now. let me know if this is a column we think should continue.